Keep It Together
by 0ptix
Summary: After years of bottling up his emotions, Steven finally see's what happens when he lets it all out.
1. Fading Universe

_(Yes, it's been a while since I uploaded a story! Set in Steven Universe Future and after Steven Universe the Movie, keep in mind that there may be spoilers ahead in this chapter and future chapters, so if you haven't watched either, then it's recommended to watch them first. Other than that, I hope you enjoy!)_

For all his life, Steven had made it his goal to ensure that those around him were protected and loved for. Whenever they were in need of help, Steven would be the first to rise and offer any help he could, no matter what. For him, it was everyone else before him. As the years went by and Steven grew older, this principle started to take its toll on the Gem-human hybrid. That once cheery, optimistic demeanor now faded into a mask of his former self. Still, no matter what, he pressed onwards to make sure everyone around him was okay. Even the foes that tried to kill him, Steven felt that it was his duty to help them as well.

Upon achieving galactic peace with the Diamond Authority and Homeworld, Steven could not find peace within himself as problems still arose around him. With each problem that he faced; the mind of Steven slowly became undone. After receiving a call from the Diamond's about some Gems still upset over the changes within the rule, Steven went back to Homeworld to try and solve another problem. Arriving on the warp pad, Steven was greeted by a cheerful looking White Diamond, a smiling Blue Diamond, and a stoic Yellow Diamond.

"Steven," White sang, "Oh, it's so good to see you again!"

On the surface, Steven smiled up at the former tyrant, but he still could not forget what happened that day. How White pulled the gem from Steven's body. On his left, he was reminded of when Yellow created the Cluster to destroy the Earth, trying her hardest to activate it. To his right, he was reminded of Blue kidnapping his father. However, he kept his composure and waved at the Diamond.

"H-Hey, White, Blue, Yellow! It's nice to see you all again, too! How've you been?"

"Oh, Steven, it's been awfully dreadful," White groaned, "Some Gems are still upset over the changes recently and it's starting to get a bit out of control! We're doing our best to be civil, but they won't listen!".

"We've tried to talk with them, but they strongly feel that Homeworld should go back to the old ways of conquering and terraforming," Blue softly spoke.

"I can't blame them," Yellow said, "The years of combat just thrown down the drain in the matter of minutes with the utterance of a few words. However, that's still inexcusable behavior for how they are acting!".

"You know how to talk to others, Steven. Please, can you talk to them and see what can be done," White asked.

Steven sighed and looked up with a tired look in his eyes, the smile not dropping from his face. The look said it all about how he really felt, but he also felt that he had to help out.

"Alright, then. Let's go meet these Gems. Lead the way!"

White Diamond guided Steven out of the throne room and the two went to speak with the group of upset Gems. A group of Obsidian's and Onyx's made up the group. These two Gem's were used to help produce weaponry as well as combat training, so it's understandable why they were upset. Steven stood in front of them and spoke to them, talking to them about purpose and how life is about living for oneself instead of for others. After talking to them for nearly two hours, Steven asked them to ease tensions with Homeworld and that they'll work together to help find new purpose for them. A Gem in the crowd did not care for the answer as a rock was thrown from the crowd, hitting Steven on the side of the head.

"You insufferable little ingrates! I'll—" White Diamond's started to glow until Steven spoke up.

"White, stop!"

Steven raised his hand up to assess the damage. Blood was coming from the wound. He felt his breathing pick up, but still, he tried to remain calm and level-headed, kissing his hand, then touching the wound on his head to heal it.

"Please, we understand! It's a sudden change and you feel that your lives have been made useless! But we have to work together, or nothing will be done, and hatred will just keep building up! I want to help you, so please, let me!"

Some of the Gems in the crowd felt that there should at least be an attempt in peace. While there was still anger amongst the crowd, they dispersed for now.

"Oh, Steven, thank you! Are you alright?"

No. No, he wasn't. He hadn't been alright in so long.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, White," he lied, smiling that fake smile up at White Diamond. "They've stopped for now, that's good. Hey, I'm gonna go to Pink's—Mom's old room, okay?"

Steven turned and started to make his way to the room of Pink Diamond. The name made Steven grind his teeth and clench his fists. He did not know if it was hatred or sorrow towards his own mother, but with each passing day, Steven discovered a new truth about her. After entering the room and ensuring the door was closed, Steven sat down against the wall and started to cry. It wasn't the first time for him to do this and he knew it wouldn't be his last. However, he couldn't let anyone else know that he needed help. He had to help them! As he cried silently, Steven failed to realize that there was another guest in Pink Diamond's room watching him: Spinel.


	2. All Alone

After Spinel had attacked the Earth, and after the Diamond's had essentially adopted her, she found herself the new habitant of Pink Diamond's old room. She was not the only one to occupy the room as she later found out about the Pebbles that lived in the walls. Life with the Diamond's was a bit peculiar. There were moments with them that Spinel felt that she was meant to be just a replacement, but those feelings were suppressed under the sensation of being wanted. Though she never got over being abandoned, Spinel learned to live with her past to help live for the future.

When Steven entered the chambers, Spinel was on the other side talking with the Pebbles, though the Pebbles never had much input for a conversation. It was after the door closed and the weeping rang through the room did Spinel finally stand at attention. She turned to see the source and saw that it was her former foe, her former friend's son, sitting there. Spinel did not really know how to act in that situation as she never really apologized for what happened, but she probably was the only one to understand the feeling of being alone. Trying to lighten the mood, Spinel thought it'd be best to repeat the first words she uttered to Steven when they met.

"Hey! Are you Steven Universe?"

To Spinel, it was meant to be as just a lighthearted joke to engage in a conversation, but anytime someone asked him if he was Steven or Rose or Pink, he flinched and readied himself. Upon hearing those words and recognizing that voice, Steven drew his shield out and raised it up to defend himself. His breathing had picked up, but as he looked around, he finally noticed Spinel across the room. For Steven, the two weren't necessarily friends, but that didn't mean that he didn't care for her. As for Spinel, she saw Steven as not just a friend, but a family. Just as the Diamond's gave her a chance, she believed Steven had also given her a chance for redemption or friendship. Steven raising his shield up wasn't registered as much; just him being startled by a sudden voice.

"O-Oh, Spinel," Steven sighed, dispelling his shield, "I was wondering where you were. How've you been?"

Spinel smiled at Steven and stretched her leg to get closer.

"Well, well, well, it's a pleasure to meet you again, Mr. Universe," she smiled, "What brings you to my little corner of Homeworld?"

"O-Oh, you know, just… helping people out," Steven sighed.

Spinel smiled sadly at the hybrid and walked beside him, leaning against the wall.

"I know that look anywhere. I probably know it better than anyone else. Wanna talk about it, Steven?"

Steven looked up at Spinel with a worried look. To be called out on how was truly feeling made him feel anxious inside like he was failing at something only he could do.

"There's nothing to talk about, Spinel. I'm perfectly fine."

The tired look and broken smile showed otherwise. Spinel, not knowing when to give, persisted on the matter.

"Steven, come on. I know we started off rough, but you can talk to me about anything."

"Spinel, really, I'm okay. Just… drop it, alright?"

"You know it's hard for me to do that, Steven. I saw you alone and I heard you crying, I just can't leave you alone… No one should be alone."

Steven looked up at Spinel and began to think it through. Did he need to talk? Yes, that was a fact. But it's the matter of wanting to talk that was a conflict for him. Steven looked up at the pink Gem and felt his heart racing and his head hurting. Spinel was abandoned by his mom for nearly 6,000 years. Mom… Every issue that came into his life started with his mom. It didn't matter if it was Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz; whenever a new problem arose, it could be linked back to his mom. Inside Steven, he felt his body heat up and his fists started to clench. Steven grew angry as he remembered all he went through, all who hurt him and his loved ones, and how he felt that it was all his mom's fault for it.

"What's my problem," Steven softly said, "My problem is that for as long as I could remember, I've had to be the grown up for most of my life! People keep attacking me and blaming me for something I didn't even ask for! Every day, it's one thing after another and every time I hear 'Pink' or 'Rose', I start to shake, and I ready myself for what's going to happen! Now, in order to maintain some sort of peace for people, I have to be nice to the people who tried to kill me over and over again!"

Spinel stood in silent as Steven ranted, feeling best to remain quiet as he vented.

"Everyone asks me how I am and if I need help, but if everyone can try to help themselves, then maybe I could start worrying about myself instead of them as much! Is it too much to just want to worry about yourself? Apparently, it is because it's a new problem every day and I'm the only one who can solve it!"

"Steve-"

"Shut up," he shouted, making Spinel flinch back, "Just shut up! I don't want to hear anything from you or anyone! I don't want to hear it! Because of my mom, I have to deal with problems that aren't even my own! All I want is to be left alone!"

Steven's breathing was heavy as he felt his anger let out. He scowled at Spinel, but only because of the anger that was within him. Spinel stood there, shaking a bit as Steven vented his frustration to her. Steven turned around and opened the door, about to head out when he felt Spinel's hand on his shoulder.

"Steven, wait!"

Steven turned around and stared daggers at Spinel. His body started to glow a bright pink as the anger and frustration built up inside him.

"S-Steven?"

"Why don't you just shut up!? Why won't you leave me alone when I want to be left alone! Now I know why mom left you!"

The words cause Spinel to recoil altogether, her hands placed over her gem. It was only after Steven had calmed down and the glow faded away from his form that he realized the impact of his words.

"Spinel… Spinel, I-I'm sorry."

The words had been said, Steven knew that. Steven turned around to leave when he felt that his body was constricted in a tight grip. Spinel had quickly wrapped her arms around Steven to prevent him from leaving.

"N-No! No, please, don't go," she pleaded, "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll be better! Look, I can shut up forever! See?"

Spinel closed her mouth and a broken, desperate smile grew on her face as she was desperate to not be left alone again. Steven felt many emotions within, all negative, as he saw the impact of what his words had done.

"S-Spinel, let go!"

"No, no, see! See, I can, I can shut up! I can do anything, Steven, just please don't leave me!"

Steven was not thinking straight. For years, he had been bottling everything up. Now was the only time he had ever let his anger and frustration out.

"I said, let go!"

Steven's body glowed again as he forced Spinel off him. Before Spinel could recover, Steven ran straight towards the Gem and struck her as hard as he could. The force of the punch sent her straight back and hitting the wall with a loud thud, but with the distress on her mind, the blow was enough to send Spinel into her gem. Steven gasped at the sight of what he had done, panicking over the fact that he had hurt someone that he wanted to help. Or over the fact that he hurt someone he cared for. Or that he was just like his mom. Many thoughts ran through Steven's mind. Ultimately, he ran out of the room, tears falling from his eyes and his heart racing. What did he do?


	3. Collapsing Star

Steven found himself running from Pink's room, not caring where he ended up as his mind moved at a thousand miles. For most of his life, those around Steven saw him as a caring kid who loved helping others before himself. He would not hesitate to risk his own well-being for others if it meant they would be okay. Now, Steven found himself breaking that image; breaking that code of his. As Steven ran, he heard voices coming from around the corner. It was Blue, Yellow, and White. Steven stopped and hid around the corner to wait for them to pass while also eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Oh, the poor thing," Blue said, "Should we go check on him?"

"Perhaps in a bit," Yellow answered, "But we cannot let what those Onyx and Obsidian's did go unpunished."

Yellow's hands started to charge with electricity at the implication of the punishment before Blue put a hand on her shoulder.

"Yellow, you know Steven wouldn't want that to happen to anyone. He's so caring, you know this. Oh, no matter how many times he says it, he reminds me so much of Pink," Blue sighed.

For years, Steven had repeated that he wasn't Pink to everyone so much that it could be considered common knowledge. He no longer wanted to live in his mother's shadow, but now he was not just afraid of it; he was afraid of becoming his mother. Steven placed one hand over his chest, finding it difficult to breathe; the other hand rested over his gem as he started to question everything. For so long, he helped everyone and tried to right the wrongs his mother had done both as Rose Quartz and as Pink Diamond. For so long, he had done everything as Steven Universe and as no one else. Now, Steven began to think that everything he had done wasn't seen as Steven Universe, but as Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz. As the Diamonds talked amongst each other, Steven looked around to try and find a way around without notice. Fortunately for him, that opening appeared as a crack in the wall. Quietly, Steven slid towards the hole and went in it. It wasn't a tunnel, but it was just enough for Steven to hide in and wait for the Diamonds to leave. While he waited, he held onto himself as he shook with fear, anger, sadness; Steven's mind was overflowing with emotion and he just couldn't take it. Steven started to hyperventilate as he sat in that dark hole. When the Diamonds finally left, he saw the chance to get out of there. Not just the hall or the palace, but just out of Homeworld. Steven couldn't think straight. He went on the warp pad and teleported himself to the Garden.

Untouched still, the Garden was just a relic of what was Pink Diamond's. The flowers had remained dead and the structure had deteriorated all around. Steven panted as he looked around and started to make his way down the stairs. The place where Steven freed Spinel was the place he wanted to be. Steven made his way down the stairs slowly, though his heart and mind begged to differ. He approached the fountain and looked at it with such disdain and hatred.

"For most of my life… I felt that I was just your replacement. No one had to say it, but that's what I saw in their eyes. Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, they all said so much about you. They told me about all the great things you did… Yeah, all the great things you did! All the lives you destroyed! All the people you hurt!"

Steven breathed heavily as he glared at the fountain. His form began to glow again the same bright pink from before.

"You didn't even try to think about your actions! Now I have to fight every day to fix all of your mistakes! I hate you, mom!"

The ground beneath Steven collapsed and cracked more. Steven reared back his hand, then swung it at the fountain, destroying the already brittle structure. The rubble laid before him and his body shook. The glow did not go away like before but remained as he stepped back. For so long, he had to keep his emotions under wrap. It was always others before himself. Now he was starting to let his feelings show. His rant right then made him feel… a bit relieved, but he was full of just anger. Angry that he had to take on such a responsibility. Angry that he had to be friends with those who tried to kill him so many times. Angry that he felt that he had to be the only adult for a group of Gems that had lived much longer than himself. After a while, the glow did fade away, but the combination of anger and determination remained inside Steven as he went back to the warp pad, teleporting back to the Diamond Palace to talk with his—Pink's family.


	4. Falling Apart

Steven teleported back to the palace where he was faced with the Diamonds, all bearing a worried expression on their face. In White's cupped hands was Spinel's gem. It was clear that the poor Gem didn't want to come back now, if ever. Not after everything that had happened to her. However, Steven paid little attention to that as the anger was still built up within him. White knelt down and presented Spinel before him, and Steven walked up to her slowly, his emotions still inside as awaited what the Diamonds had to say.

"Steven! Steven, Spinel's been poofed! How could this have happened," she wailed, "Oh, Pink's treasure and we failed to look after her!"

Steven flinched at two things: the mere mention of his mother's name and the fact that after all he thought they learned; the Diamonds still saw other beings as just objects. However, for now, he remained silent to hear them out.

"It was those rioters from before," Yellow accused, "They must've snuck into this palace without our knowledge and poofed Spinel to get at us! We must react!"

"There's no need to react," Steven calmly said, "I poofed her."

The Diamonds all gasped and stared at Steven with a shocked expression. For the years they knew Steven, both as a foe and as family, the Diamonds had not once seen Steven poof a Gem. The very action was even frowned upon by Steven as he taught the Diamonds how to become better Gems.

"Y-You poofed her," Blue stammered out, "Why? What about everything you told us about peace and, and living with each other?"

Steven clenched his fists and he started to shake again.

"Several months ago, Spinel came to Earth to destroy it to get back at Pink Diamond. Nearly three years ago, you all tried to activate the Cluster to destroy what Rose Quartz tried to protect. Each and every time something happens, it all is linked back to her."

Steven looked up at the Diamonds with anger and hate in his eyes.

"I'm tired of it! I'm tired of just fighting everything because it seems like she has something to do with it! And I'm especially tired of acting like everything is alright when the only one in trouble is me!"

"Steven, hold on," Blue tried to speak, but was cut off by the enraged hybrid.

"No! No, don't tell me to hold on; I'm tired! All my life, I had to fight against people I know nothing about! I had to worry about problems that weren't my own, even now! I have to be the one to tell you killing is wrong! I have to be the one who has to tell you that there's no need to fight! Why should I have to be the one to act like the only grown up in the entire galaxy!?"

"Steven, please, calm down," White asked.

However, Steven felt his anger build up more within as he looked at the Diamonds. All he wanted to do was calm down. To have a nice, simple life where he didn't have to worry about who he has to fight or if that day would be his last?

"All I want is to be calm, but I can't, aren't you listening!? I have to fight every single day because of something I had no control over! No matter what, everyone seems to have an issue and I have to solve it! You three have tried to kill me so many times and I'm supposed to just forgive it!?"

"Steven, you know that was a different time," Yellow said, "We were still filled with grief over the loss of Pink that when we found out that Rose Quartz was possibly alive on Earth, we let our emotions take control! We wouldn't have attacked had we known the truth, you're… what's the Earth term… family!"

"No, you're Pink Diamond's family! You're Rose Quartz's enemies! To me, you're nothing," he said with a harsh tone.

The room fell silent as the words hung in the air. However, unlike with Spinel, Steven did not feel regret with his words. The Diamonds had tried to kill him over and over again with White being the closest to finishing him off. Without another word being uttered, Steven turned away from the Diamonds and made his way back the warp pad. The thought of losing her loved one made Blue Diamond fall into despair like before. Her body radiated a dark blue and the room fell into despair. Though it was the Diamonds and Steven present, Blue Diamond's power still had its effect on them with White and Yellow just shedding small tears. However, for Steven, the power was still great enough to make him shake with sadness and have him stumble to his knees.

"Steven, please, don't leave," Blue wept, "We want to make things better; we do! We've done everything you asked of us and we just want to make you happy! Please, we don't want to lose you!"

With the anger inside him, Steven overpowered the sorrow that Blue made him feel and he stood back on his feet.

"You already have," he said.

Those words made the Diamonds have the moment of realization that it was just like with Pink. They may have tried to become better beings before, but that still didn't erase the fact that Pink left because of how the Diamonds treated her. Now, even if they wanted to try and make things better, that didn't erase everything they've done to Steven. Blue's powers ceased and the Diamonds stood there in silence. Steven wiped away a tear from his eye before going back to the warp pad.

"Tell Spinel… that I'm sorry. But I'm not coming back."

With the flash of the pad, Steven left Homeworld and returned home. The Crystal Gems were gone at the time which was perfect as Steven would've snapped at them as well. Instead of waiting around, Steven went to the Temple door and opened up… Rose's room. The door opened and Steven went inside.

"Room… show me Pink Diamond."


	5. Coming Together

The room manifested a physical version of the late Pink Diamond. She stood before Steven in silence as the broken savior of the universe looked at her with disdain. The room mirrored the emotions that were built up within Steven: rain poured around them in a manner that rivaled Noah, thunder roared through the sky as lightening brightened the ever-growing dark sky, and the wind blew with enough force to almost blow Steven away. However, he found his balance, and not once did he look away from Pink Diamond.

"You told me that every moment I'm alive, every moment I love being myself, that's you showing that you love me," he said, "Was that some sort of sick joke!? Did you say that, knowing full well what was to come!? You ruined so many lives because of your actions! You thought you could get away with it all, and you're right, because now I have to be the one who cleans up your mess! So many times, Gems have tried to kill me and every time it's because of what you did as Pink Diamond or as Rose Quartz! I kept trying to rationalize everything you did and why you did it! I kept trying to make you out to be a good person, but you're not! You're just an immature coward who kept running her whole life and finally found an out through me! That's it, isn't it!? You just wanted me because you didn't want to face the consequences of your actions!"

Pink Diamond remained silent in an almost drone like fashion. Her eyes were open, but they had a dead stare in them as she looked at her son. Steven felt his anger build up more from the silence.

"Answer me," he demanded as he reached into his gem to pull out the shield, throwing it at the clone.

The shield made an impact with the clone, injuring her left arm, but that damage was easily repaired as the clouds that made the being reconnected. Steven shouted and ran towards Pink, jumping up just enough to grab her collar and hold himself there. He looked into her eyes with hatred. The deadness in her eyes remained, but now she spoke to her son.

"I was not joking," she said, prompting Steven to look in surprise at her, "Everything you've accomplished, everything you have done, you did on your own. It is not fair that you had to be the one to clean up my mess, and I am sorry for that. My whole life, I was awful. I was immature and threw tantrums. I was selfish and abandoned people. That's why I said what I said in the tape all those years ago. Steven, the feeling of love within you? That's the love I have for you being better than what I was. I am sorry, son, that I wasn't a better mother to you, but I have always been proud of you for what you've accomplished. For the friends you've made, the lives you changed, and the family you created. Steven, you are not meant to be a leader. You're meant to be you. I know that… I created so many problems, Steven, and I cannot undo what I did. And I know that you're so… so tired of it all. But I want you to know that you've come so far with the help of so many wonderful people. You may feel that you are alone, Steven, facing every problem, but you have a family to help you. I cannot begin to apologize for everything that you have been through, but I will always be with you every step of the way."

Tears began to fall down Steven's face as his grip tightened. The wind died down as did the roaring thunder and bright lighting, but the rain remained.

"I… I can't forgive you. For everything you've done to everyone, to me, I just don't think I can ever forgive you… I don't even think I can call you mom."

Pink Diamond raised her arms up and gently wrapped them around Steven.

"That's okay. No matter what, Steven, you will always be my son. And I will always love you."

Steven wept in his mother's arms as the rain fell on them both. He did feel as though he could never forgive those who harmed him all those years ago, that remained in his mind. However, those people are just like him: broken individuals who just need help to be brought back together. The rain lightened up and he slowly fell to the ground, looking down.

"I have to go. I have to make everything right," Steven said.

"Why's that?"

"It's because that's who I am."

Pink Diamond dissipated into a cloud once more and all that remained was Steven in the room. He turned around and opened the door. Steven went up to the warp pad and stood before it for a bit. Though his feelings for the Diamonds, he knew that Spinel was not deserving of what was said or done. He stepped on the warp pad and returned to the palace with the intent to make things right.


End file.
